Key differentiations
Some key differentiations in Nonviolent Communication. Note that in none of these cases are we judging these as right and wrong, we are just trying to be clear, and often suggesting that one approach or the other might produce better results. Try things out for yourself!
There is now a whole book about NVC's key differentiations! [The Heart of Nonviolent Communication: 25 Keys to Shift from Separation to Connection] by Stephanie Bachmann Mattei and Kristin K. Collier. Also see [Miki Kashtan and Inbal Kashtan’s Additional NVC Key Differentiations]
Contents
Differentiations about the four part model
- Observation vs. Evaluation
- Feeling vs. Thought
- Need vs. Strategy or request
- Request vs. Demand
- Persisting vs. Demanding
Differentiations about empathy
- Being giraffe vs. Doing giraffe
- Empathy vs. Sympathy
- Empathy vs. Advice
- Empathy vs. Analysis
- Empathy vs. Reassurance
- Empathy vs. Storytelling
- Guessing vs. Knowing
- Empathic sensing vs. Intellectual guessing
- Ten non-empathic forms: advising, one-upping, educating, consoling, story telling, shutting down, sympathising, interrogating, explaining, correcting (see the nvc book).
Jackal/Giraffe differentiations
- Power-with vs. Power-over
- Choice vs. Submission or rebellion
- Interdependence vs. Dependence or independence
- Giraffe honesty vs. Jackal honesty
- Protective use of force vs. Punitive use of force
- Appreciation vs. Approval, compliments or praise
- Value judgment vs. Moralistic judgment
- Life-connected vs. Life-alienated
- Shift vs. Compromise
- Respect for authority vs. Fear of authority
- Vulnerability vs. Weakness
- Self-empathy vs. Acting out, repressing, or wallowing
- Being nice vs. Giraffe
- Mourning vs. Guilt or self-blame
Miscellaneous
- Idiomatic giraffe vs. Classical giraffe
- Stimulus vs. Cause
- Natural vs. Habitual
- Love as a need vs. Love as a feeling
- Mourning vs. Giving up
- Self-discipline vs. Obedience
- Instrinsic motivation vs. Extrinsic motivation
- Self & other vs. Jackal & giraffe
- Exchange vs. Gifting
- Inspiration vs. Motivation
Origins
This list was originally compiled by John Abbe from his own notes (initially based on a session with Marshall Rosenberg at an IIT), the notes of Neill Gibson (presumably also from workshops and his own experience), and the key differentiations list in CNVC's trainer certification packet. [1] CNVC gave permission to post the list here. It has evolved since then with the additions and changes of other wiki participants.
