Power-with vs. Power-over
Utilising 'Power-with' means we commit to the following (IMO) core principle of NVC:
'The objective of Giraffe is never to get what we want. It’s the development of a quality of connection that allows everyone’s needs to get met.'
- Marshall B. Rosenberg, 'transcript of 2-day advanced intensive', .
The other's needs enter into the equation, in our thinking and consciousness.
We are concerned that the other party takes part completely of their own volition.
We are focused only on getting our own needs met, _without_ taking into account the needs that are alive for the other parties, and act accordingly out of that energy. Typically by using demands or coercion, apportioning blame, or suchlike other jackalese tactics.
We are _not_ concerned that the other party takes part of their own volition.
Having asked for feedback on what I had written above at the PonderingNVC yahoo group, I received (amongst others responses) the following:
'One difference we sometimes put in is "everyone's needs are considered" Just 'cause sometimes in the considering people decide their needs can be better met somewhere else, or see their needs differently once all needs are on the table. Also, operating from a place where all needs are considered seems to be at a human level whereas operating from a place where all needs are met sometimes seems daunting. Does this help at all? Warmly, Judy in sunny mild northern Vermont'