Difference between revisions of "Empathy"

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(Opening paragraphs about empathy)
 
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Empathy, as used in Nonviolent Communication, is a quality of being present with oneself or another person. Emapthy can be silent or it can be expressed.
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Empathy is a quality of being present with someone, and going as deep as possible with what is most alive in the moment. One way we support this "going deep" in [[Nonviolent Communication]] is by inquiring about what [[need]] is present.
  
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Sometimes, and especially by beginners, it is expressed by: When  ______(observation) are you feeling ______ and are you needing ______?  Sometimes this is referred to as an empathy guess and is meant to help connect with the person (or self) I'm listening to.  An empathy guess is just my best understanding of where the person is (what they're feeling and needing).  It is put in the form of a question so the person can reflect on the feelings and needs and respond with affirmation or corrections. 
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Empathy itself is silent. You can also say things out loud to help let the other know that you are in empathy with them. One way to express it in one's mind or out loud - especially for beginners - is to make an empathy guess using the [[four part model]], which looks like this:
  
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People often say that they feel very connected and heard when their listener uses this form of empathy.
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When you see (hear, remember, etc.) ______(observation) are you feeling ______ because you are needing ______?
  
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Judy in Vermont
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Some specific examples:
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* When you see the ocean waves, do you feel peaceful, because your need for spaciousness is being met?
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* When he says you are lazy, do you feel hurt, because you need more consideration?
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* When I see that I got this termination notice, I'm feeling scared, because I want to be able to eat and have a roof over my head (needs fo sustenancy and shelter).
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The intention is to connect with the other person (or oneself - [[self-empathy]]). An empathy guess is my wondering where the person is - it is put in the form of a question so the person can reflect on the feelings and needs and respond with affirmation or corrections. It's not so important whether my guess is accurate; the support comes from my intention to be present with the other person, wherever they are.
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Authors include: Judy in Vermont

Revision as of 06:59, 28 December 2005

Empathy is a quality of being present with someone, and going as deep as possible with what is most alive in the moment. One way we support this "going deep" in Nonviolent Communication is by inquiring about what need is present.

Empathy itself is silent. You can also say things out loud to help let the other know that you are in empathy with them. One way to express it in one's mind or out loud - especially for beginners - is to make an empathy guess using the four part model, which looks like this:

When you see (hear, remember, etc.) ______(observation) are you feeling ______ because you are needing ______?

Some specific examples:

  • When you see the ocean waves, do you feel peaceful, because your need for spaciousness is being met?
  • When he says you are lazy, do you feel hurt, because you need more consideration?
  • When I see that I got this termination notice, I'm feeling scared, because I want to be able to eat and have a roof over my head (needs fo sustenancy and shelter).

The intention is to connect with the other person (or oneself - self-empathy). An empathy guess is my wondering where the person is - it is put in the form of a question so the person can reflect on the feelings and needs and respond with affirmation or corrections. It's not so important whether my guess is accurate; the support comes from my intention to be present with the other person, wherever they are.

Authors include: Judy in Vermont

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