Difference between revisions of "Evaluative words"
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| − | This list of feelings and needs are suggestions only; | + | This list of feelings and needs are suggestions only; it's neither complete nor definitive. It's just an aid to translating words that are often confused with feelings. When these words are used to try to express to someone your feelings/emotions they do convey a sense of the emotions/feelings at play, but they also imply that someone is doing something to you and generally carry a message of wrongness or blame. (One interesting feature is that many of these mixed feeling/blame end with “..ed.â€) |
For example, if I say “I feel abused†you may hear this as “you abused me.†In contrast, words that express “pure†feelings can’t readily be heard that way: It’s hard to hear “I feel lonely†as “You lonelied me.†| For example, if I say “I feel abused†you may hear this as “you abused me.†In contrast, words that express “pure†feelings can’t readily be heard that way: It’s hard to hear “I feel lonely†as “You lonelied me.†| ||
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They are usually verbs/adverbs or action words which have been made into nouns.To love. To act wisely.To show respect. | They are usually verbs/adverbs or action words which have been made into nouns.To love. To act wisely.To show respect. | ||
| − | But unlike real nouns such as chair , | + | But unlike real nouns such as chair , lettuce, shoes etc, you cannot touch them or see them |
they stem from verbs/adverbs and are therefore actions , they also have meaning based on people's perception and experience. for example to be loving might mean give flowers to one person and to be loving to another might mean to give some one else space. | they stem from verbs/adverbs and are therefore actions , they also have meaning based on people's perception and experience. for example to be loving might mean give flowers to one person and to be loving to another might mean to give some one else space. | ||
Revision as of 03:17, 19 March 2008
This list of feelings and needs are suggestions only; it's neither complete nor definitive. It's just an aid to translating words that are often confused with feelings. When these words are used to try to express to someone your feelings/emotions they do convey a sense of the emotions/feelings at play, but they also imply that someone is doing something to you and generally carry a message of wrongness or blame. (One interesting feature is that many of these mixed feeling/blame end with “..ed.â€)
For example, if I say “I feel abused†you may hear this as “you abused me.†In contrast, words that express “pure†feelings can’t readily be heard that way: It’s hard to hear “I feel lonely†as “You lonelied me.â€
To use this list: when somebody says “I’m feeling rejected,†a Giraffe might empathically translate this as: “Are you feeling scared because you have a need for inclusion?â€
This document as word document of Wisconsin IIT Participants, April 2000, edited by Susan Skye (October 2000) here.
| Evaluative Word | Giraffe Feeling(s) | Giraffe Need(s) |
|---|---|---|
| abandoned | terrified, hurt, bewildered, sad, frightened, lonely | Nurturing, connection, belonging, support, caring |
| abused | angry, frustrated, frightened | Caring, nurturing, support, emotional or physical wellbeing, consideration. Need for all living things to flourish. |
| (not) accepted | upset, scared, lonely | inclusion, connection, community, belonging, contribution, peer respect |
| attacked | scared, angry | safety |
| belittled | angry, frustrated, tense, distressed | respect, autonomy, to be seen, acknowledgment, appreciation |
| betrayed | angry, hurt, disappointed, enraged | trust, dependability, honesty, honor ?? commitment, clarity, |
| blamed | angry, scared, confused, antagonistic, hostile, bewildered, hurt | Accountability, causality, fairness, justice |
| bullied | angry, scared, pressured | autonomy, choice, safety, consideration |
| caged/boxed in | angry, thwarted, scared, anxious | autonomy, choice, freedom |
| cheated | Resentful, hurt, angry | honesty, fairness, justice, trust, reliability |
| coerced | angry, frustrated, frightened, thwarted, scared | choice, autonomy, freedom, act freely, choose freely |
| cornered | angry, scared, anxious, thwarted | autonomy, freedom |
| criticized | in pain, scared, anxious, frustrated, humiliated, angry, embarrassed | understanding, acknowledgement, recognition, accountability, non-judgmental communication |
| discounted/ diminished | hurt, angry, embarrassed, frustrated | need to matter, acknowledgment, inclusions, recognition, respect |
| disliked | sad, lonely, hurt | connection, appreciation, understanding acknowledgment, friendship, inclusion |
| distrusted | sad, frustrated | trust, honesty, |
| dumped on | angry, overwhelmed | respect, consideration |
| harassed | angry, frustrated, pressured, frightened | respect, space, consideration, peace |
| hassled | irritated, distressed, angry, frustrated, | serenity, autonomy, do things at my own pace and in my own way, calm, space |
| ignored | lonely, scared, hurt, sad, embarrassed | connection, belonging, inclusion, community, participation |
| insulted | angry, embarrassed | respect, consideration, acknowledgment, recognition |
| interrupted | angry, frustrated, resentful, hurt | respect, to be heard, consideration |
| intimidated | Scared, anxiety | safety, equality, empowerment |
| invalidated | angry, hurt, resentful, | appreciation, respect, acknowledgment, recognition |
| invisible | sad, angry, lonely, scared | to be seen and heard, inclusion, belonging, community |
| isolated | lonely, afraid, scared | community, inclusion, belonging, contribution |
| left out | sad, lonely, anxious | inclusion, belonging, community, connection |
| let down | sad, disappointed, frightened | consistency, trust, dependability, consistency |
| manipulated | angry, scared, powerless, thwarted, frustrated | autonomy, empowerment, trust, equality, freedom, free choice, connection, genuineness |
| mistrusted | sad, angry | trust |
| misunderstood | upset, angry, frustrated | to be heard, understanding, clarity |
| neglected | lonely, scared | connection, inclusion, participation, community, care, mattering, consideration |
| overpowered | angry, impotent, helpless, confused | equality, justice, autonomy, freedom |
| overworked | angry, tired, frustrated | respect, consideration, rest, caring |
| patronized | angry, frustrated, resentful | recognition, equality, respect, mutuality |
| pressured | anxious, resentful, overwhelmed | Relaxation, clarity, space, consideration |
| provoked | angry, frustrated, hostile, antagonistic, resentful | respect, consideration, |
| put down | angry, sad, embarrassed | respect, acknowledgment, understanding |
| rejected | hurt, scared, angry, defiant | belonging, inclusion, closeness, to be seen, acknowledgment, connection |
| ripped off/ screwed | Anger, resentment, disappointment | consideration, justice, fairness, justice acknowledgement, trust |
| smothered/ suffocated | Frustrated, fear, desperation, | space, freedom, autonomy, authenticity. self expression |
| taken for granted | sad, angry, hurt, disappointment | appreciation, acknowledgment, recognition, consideration |
| threatened | scared, frightened, alarmed, agitated, defiant | Safety, autonomy |
| trampled | angry, frustrated, overwhelmed | empowerment, connection, community, being seen, consideration, equality, respect, acknowledgment |
| tricked | embarrassed, angry, resentful | integrity, trust, honesty |
| unappreciated | sad, angry, hurt, frustrated | appreciation, respect, acknowledgment, consideration |
| unheard | sad, hostile, frustrated | understanding, consideration, empathy |
| unloved | sad, bewildered, frustrated | love, appreciation, empathy, connection, community |
| unseen | sad, anxious, frustrated | acknowledgment, appreciation, be heard |
| unsupported | sad, hurt, resentful | support, understanding |
| unwanted | sad, anxious, frustrated | belonging, inclusion, caring |
| used | sad, angry, resentful | autonomy, equality, consideration, mutuality |
| victimized | frightened, helpless | empowerment, mutuality, safety, justice |
| violated | sad, agitated, anxiety | privacy, safety, trust, space, respect |
| wronged | angry, hurt, resentful, irritated | respect, justice, trust, safety, fairness |
Words like these, linguistically are called nominalisations(the doctrine that the various objects labeled by the same term have nothing in common but their name, pertaining to a noun or to a word group that functions as a noun; "nominal phrase"; "noun phrase").
They are usually verbs/adverbs or action words which have been made into nouns.To love. To act wisely.To show respect.
But unlike real nouns such as chair , lettuce, shoes etc, you cannot touch them or see them
they stem from verbs/adverbs and are therefore actions , they also have meaning based on people's perception and experience. for example to be loving might mean give flowers to one person and to be loving to another might mean to give some one else space.
To give respect might mean to act on someones ideas and to give respect to someone else might mean see things from their point of view.
The many different interpretations of these types of words does, as you have observed, result in conflict, when defining the meaning and yet can also , paradoxically, bring harmony !...when clarity to the individuals' meaning is specifically defined.
| Evaluative Word | Giraffe Feeling(s) | Giraffe Need(s) |
|---|---|---|
| Righted | happy, joy, pleasure | resepct, trust, saftey, fairness |
| Wanted | happy, confortable, calm | belonging, inclusion, caring |
* feel free to add more
