Difference between revisions of "Empathy"
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Empathy itself is silent. You can also say things out loud to help let the other know that you are in empathy with them. One way to express it in one's mind or out loud - especially for beginners - is to make an empathy guess using the [[four part model]], which looks like this: | Empathy itself is silent. You can also say things out loud to help let the other know that you are in empathy with them. One way to express it in one's mind or out loud - especially for beginners - is to make an empathy guess using the [[four part model]], which looks like this: | ||
| − | When you see (hear, remember, etc.) ______(observation) are you feeling ______ because you are needing ______? | + | When you see (hear, remember, etc.) ______(observation) are you feeling ______ because you are needing ______? Would you like ______ (request)? |
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| + | Sometimes the request part may seem difficult at first, yet it can lead to remarkable depth of closeness and connection because it helps everyone get more clear on strategies that can lead to everyone's needs being met. | ||
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| + | When expressed verbally, the four parts are generally phrased in the form of guesses. By guessing, we elicit a focused response from ourselves (self-empathy) or others that reframes our consciousness toward clarifying needs. NVC is thus a process of dialog that leads to mutual giving, rather than a goal-orientation based on statements of "fact." | ||
Some specific examples: | Some specific examples: | ||
| − | * When you see the ocean waves, do you feel peaceful, because your need for spaciousness is being met? | + | * When you see the ocean waves, do you feel peaceful, because your need for spaciousness is being met? Would you like to share this moment? |
| − | * When he says you are lazy, do you feel hurt, because you need more consideration? | + | * When he says you are lazy, do you feel hurt, because you need more consideration? Would you like to find a compassionate way to let him to know you're upset? |
| − | * When I see that I got this termination notice, I'm feeling scared, because I want to be able to eat and have a roof over my head (needs for sustenancy and shelter). | + | * When I see that I got this termination notice, I'm feeling scared, because I want to be able to eat and have a roof over my head (needs for sustenancy and shelter). Would you be willing to let me know what comes up for you when you hear this? |
The intention is to connect with the other person (or oneself - [[self-empathy]]). An empathy guess is my wondering where the person is - it is put in the form of a question so the person can reflect on the feelings and needs and respond with affirmation or corrections. It's not so important whether my guess is accurate; the support comes from my intention to be present with the other person, wherever they are. | The intention is to connect with the other person (or oneself - [[self-empathy]]). An empathy guess is my wondering where the person is - it is put in the form of a question so the person can reflect on the feelings and needs and respond with affirmation or corrections. It's not so important whether my guess is accurate; the support comes from my intention to be present with the other person, wherever they are. | ||
Revision as of 05:13, 28 March 2006
Empathy is a quality of being present with someone, and going as deep as possible with what is most alive in the moment. One way we support this "going deep" in Nonviolent Communication is by inquiring about what need is present.
Empathy itself is silent. You can also say things out loud to help let the other know that you are in empathy with them. One way to express it in one's mind or out loud - especially for beginners - is to make an empathy guess using the four part model, which looks like this:
When you see (hear, remember, etc.) ______(observation) are you feeling ______ because you are needing ______? Would you like ______ (request)?
Sometimes the request part may seem difficult at first, yet it can lead to remarkable depth of closeness and connection because it helps everyone get more clear on strategies that can lead to everyone's needs being met.
When expressed verbally, the four parts are generally phrased in the form of guesses. By guessing, we elicit a focused response from ourselves (self-empathy) or others that reframes our consciousness toward clarifying needs. NVC is thus a process of dialog that leads to mutual giving, rather than a goal-orientation based on statements of "fact."
Some specific examples:
- When you see the ocean waves, do you feel peaceful, because your need for spaciousness is being met? Would you like to share this moment?
- When he says you are lazy, do you feel hurt, because you need more consideration? Would you like to find a compassionate way to let him to know you're upset?
- When I see that I got this termination notice, I'm feeling scared, because I want to be able to eat and have a roof over my head (needs for sustenancy and shelter). Would you be willing to let me know what comes up for you when you hear this?
The intention is to connect with the other person (or oneself - self-empathy). An empathy guess is my wondering where the person is - it is put in the form of a question so the person can reflect on the feelings and needs and respond with affirmation or corrections. It's not so important whether my guess is accurate; the support comes from my intention to be present with the other person, wherever they are.
Authors include: Judy in Vermont
